just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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