her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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