I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Houston, we have a squirter
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
