Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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