I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize