good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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