Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
