Will you blow on my dice?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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