my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
