dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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