i was born a porn star she said
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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