made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
