I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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