this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
