he wants to bone in the snuggie
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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