she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
