First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
