He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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