Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
