This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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