What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
