took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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