I cockslap morals
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
