i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
