I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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