I can text with my tongue
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
