oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
