As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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