i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
