There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
