yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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