Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
