I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
