yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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