I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
