The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
