That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
