in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
