Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize