There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
