your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
