He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
