I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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