so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
