What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
