if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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