After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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