it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
