yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
