At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
