i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
