how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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