I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
