No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
