dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
