Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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