I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize