As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
