Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The Olympian is in my bed
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
