i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
