I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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