if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
