He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
