Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry about my life...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
