Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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