You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize