You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
