My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
4 words: hood of his car
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize