Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
