I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
