Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
