I want to walk on stilts...naked
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize