I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
