Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
