This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
