So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
