i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
