Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
