the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
