The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
