my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
