Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
