Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
